3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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