never play flip cup with pint glasses
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
