i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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