Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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