I think my fart just growled at me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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