in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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