it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
