I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
