Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
