Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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