its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
