So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
