This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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