using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
