At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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