Banned from zoo.
Again?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
