"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
