im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
