i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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