if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
