Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
