he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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