I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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