I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize