So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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