did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
