my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
