Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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