Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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