My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
