There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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