i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
