I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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