Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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