I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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