I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
