Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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