in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
