yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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