so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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