you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
