All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
