you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
