Apparently you make a good broom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
