Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
