We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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