Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Congratulations! We have a period
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
