She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
