i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
