I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's official drugs can't kill me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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