I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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