she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
