If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
