Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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