Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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