somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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