Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
