Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
