Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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