So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
