pedialite and red bull = repair kit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There's always time for handjobs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
