Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
