handjob tips. give me some.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
