she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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