I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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