I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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