i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
