Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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