wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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