giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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