Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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