just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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