Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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