at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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